I keep writing and writing and never come to any resolution. I don't feel like I've been treated like a human being, and so I don't feel like one anymore. I feel more like an animal, or some kind of nuisance. Nothing brings me any satisfaction, I'm doing things to fix what I can in my life, like my debt, my living situation, but without purpose. I don't know why I'm doing those things, just doing them because of some vague notion that it's what I'm supposed to be doing. What I wouldn't give for some sign that someone cares, that someone wants to see me happy. That would make all the difference for me, but the more time that passes without it, the less I see it. I need someone to help me, and no one will. So I've withdrawn even more. I don't know why, I just can't deal. My life was ripped open and shown to the world, so now I don't trust anyone, I don't talk to anyone, I just want to be left alone. But at the same time I need someone to be close to, and that's not going to happen. I just want to disappear, to vanish and never be seen again. I'm sick of this world, I'm sick of this body, this mind, this defective machinery. I hate it. I don't want things to hurt anymore.